The 101 on EI
We are emotional beings, and as such emotions play a part in pretty much everything we do. However, when our actions as a result of our emotions are causing havoc in our lives, it can be a major problem. People who have a low Emotional Intelligence (EI) are often more reactive than responsive and they tend to always have to be right, are oblivious to other people’s feelings, behave insensitively, blame others for their problems and have emotional outbursts. Not surprisingly, they struggle with relationships.
In contrast, emotionally intelligent people are able to think their way through an emotion rather than be managed by their emotions and are then able to manage their behaviour accordingly. They are highly aware of their own feelings and behaviours and of other people’s feelings and behaviours. They have a positive regard of themselves and others. What’s so great about this is Emotional Intelligence can be improved and that’s where coaching comes in.
Emotional Intelligence is a theory that started life in academia in the 1980s and was embraced by positive psychology in the 1990s- I’m talking Oprah-level embrace! It’s seen as a means to peak performance and there’s been extensive research that both defines EI as well as the practices to harness its power. EI is a connection to feelings or emotions- both yours and the people around you. This has an impact on how you then respond to circumstances and events. People with high EI have demonstrable higher instances of resilience, inclusion, connectedness, collaboration, wellbeing and performance.
In the context of work and leadership, high EI is believed to contribute to morale and subsequently productivity and performance. You see, EI plays out in behaviour and attitudes, and these have an impact- good, bad and positively ugly. The hallmarks of a toxic workplace culture are poor communication, unresolved conflict, poor engagement audits, a lack of boundaries and support, high recruitment and low retention. All of these can be correlated to the level of EI within the workplace. While IQ measures intelligence more broadly, we know that regardless of the IQ, a leader with poor EI will have a team with a subsequent lack of performance. A person might be an incredible practitioner of their skill set (high IQ), their people skills reflects their level of EI and clearly low EI will limit the overall capacity of the team and the broader organisation. However, leaders with high EI tend to have practices that enhance (not damage) their team’s capabilities and capacities which in turn is said to cultivate the EI of others.
Emotional Intelligence is a concept that I use extensively with my leadership and life coaching clients alike. There are many different types of EI frameworks and models. Some look at EI as a set of competencies; being behaviours and skills. In contrast, my approach is underpinned by attitudes and feelings. Changing behaviour is often short-lived if it is not supported by a parallel change in attitude. When people are able to transition their attitudes, their EI rises exponentially and the impact is life changing.
One of the most exciting things about the concept of EI is that while we can’t ‘really’ change our personality, because EI is based on our behaviours and attitude, these can evolve and be developed. Of course, it takes commitment and time - and a wonderful leadership and life coach- but EI is a tool at our disposal for all of us.
One of the models of EI I work with is broken down into 6 sections as per below:
1. Regard for Self
2. Regard for Others
3. Awareness of Self
4. Awareness of Others
5. Self Management
6. Relationship Management
In the context of my work with leaders and leadership teams, as well as individuals, regard of self (and others) is the extent to which you accept and value yourself and others. Awareness of self (and others) is the degree to which you are in touch with your own physiology, feelings and intuition and that of those around you. This awareness leads to how we manage relationships with ourselves and others, looking at emotional resilience, flexibility, authenticity, trust and conflict handling to name a few.
My work is focused on addressing all six area, and of course it’s multifaceted and as individual and unique as the people I work with. I’m accredited to use the highly acclaimed EIP 3 Emotional Intelligence Assessment Tool which gives my clients an in-depth analysis into their EI which then informs our work towards developing their EI to help them step into peak performance. Having the ability to flip your mindset and your actions from being responsive to reactive allows you to be in the driver’s seat of your life. Being responsive means that when something happens in your life you have the ability to pause, to step back from the emotions and feelings that the event brings up in you and be able to look at it objectively allowing you to then “think” your way into a response instead of automatically reacting.
In terms of developing EI, a reflective practice is key. No doubt you’ve heard me say once or twice (or a couple of hundred times) that self-awareness + self-empowerment = a better life- well, I’m going to say it again. Self-awareness is key, and we can only get that via reflection, by staying aware of our roadblocks and being aligned to our values. When we’re aware of how we have shown up in the past and how we want to show up better we can put in place the tools to do better. This might be locking down ways to rework interactions with our team to have more of a positive focus such as finding a way to add praise to your 360 meetings or by preparing for difficult conversations with a script that takes into account how people may respond. Bottom line, it’s an awareness that our behaviour and attitude have an influence on others, and then taking advantage of this for the right reasons, not having to clean up the aftermath of the wrong reasons.
There’s a reason Oprah had the proponents of Emotional Intelligence as regular instalments to her juggernaut show and empire- it has the power to transform people, workplaces and communities. Would you like to develop your EI? Let’s do this!
PS Here’s the thing- you can’t have my academic and professional background without a commitment to peer review and a solid evidence base, so here are some of my favourite resources and reference documents when it comes to the big, beautiful world of Emotional Intelligence:
https://positivepsychology.com/emotional-intelligence-goleman-research/
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/228136439_Emotional_Intelligence_and_Business_Success
https://positivepsychology.com/emotional-intelligence-workplace/
https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1009&context=lib_seniorprojects
