Support structures for change
So, you’ve decided enough’s enough.
You know that self-knowledge + self-empowerment = a better you and you’re ready to make the changes in your life to step into your definition of better. Bring it! But before you do, have you put in place the structures and systems to support your change process?
Change is hard. No doubt about it. Even when we know a change is for our betterment and for our benefit it’s still tricky, particularly if we’re undoing and unravelling the habits of a lifetime.
I’m a huge fan of the work of Dr Joe Dispenza. Here’s one of my favourite clips of his work on the change process. What I love about his approach is the focus on metacognition, habits and emotions, on evolution rather than revolution, on tweaking a current situation rather than overwhelming ourselves with change which puts our brain firmly into amygdala mode. It’s about being realistic and sustainable with your changes rather than making gigantic leaps that are often ultimately doomed to fail.
Of course, the first step in change is having a clear visualisation or articulation of a desired end state. For my clients the changes they seek may be around:
• Being a calm and organised person
• Changing behaviours and how they “show up” in different situations
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• A health and fitness goal such as reduced weight, increased strength, vibrancy and high energy levels
• Removal of limiting beliefs and negative self-talk
• Introducing self-love or self-compassion to their daily life
• Loss of identity and sense of self or fulfilment
Before we can achieve a level of sustainable change, we need to put into place the frameworks that will smash any obstacles to our change process. Regardless of the goal, the support systems put into place can make or break their level of attainment.
There’s a reason personal trainers ask their clients to avoid motivation and willpower as the sole structure supporting a weight loss journey. Motivation and willpower wanes according to our moods and our energy levels. Willpower also competes against all the other ‘noise’ in our lives. Instead of relying on willpower to get you out of bed at 5.30am, have a plan in place to support you getting up, especially on those cold mornings where the doona is more inviting then the 6:00am gym class. It could be organising to meet a friend, or a trainer, it could be booking into a class that’s non-refundable, it could be even as practical as putting the alarm clock in another room so you physically have to leave bed to turn it off. These are all support structures for change. So, what structures do you need to put in place to support yourself?
Like anything, change requires focus- where focus goes energy flows. How are you going to stay accountable and actively bring your change to life? How will you remember what you want to focus on in the busyness of daily life?
Many of my clients love a checklist or a tracker to help support them and keep themselves accountable, while others prefer to use a bullet journal-type systems to track and measure their progress. Here’s some other examples of how you can support yourself to stay focused on your goal:
• Phone reminders that pop up over the course of the day
• Sticky notes all over the house
• Jewellery pieces
• Affirmations
• Mantras
• Notes in whiteboard marker on your bathroom mirror that reminds you how you want to show up each day
Basically, I’m talking about actions and items that bring your attention to what you want to focus on as you go about your day.
A little note of warning:
You can almost guarantee that in some cases you’ll have significant pushback. That friend who relies on you to be her emotional dumping ground? You mum’s reaction to you pulling the pin on family dinner night? They may not go down without a fight, particularly if the behaviour has been entrenched for many years. You may face resentment and bitterness because when you take ownership over your behaviour and responses and put boundaries in place the dynamics naturally shift. People might not like that you’re putting your needs first, even if they can’t articulate it that way. They’re used to you behaving in a way that suits their life and their narrative. This is where loving, clear, kind communication to yourself as well as to the ‘offended’ party is incredibly important, as is a reminder that you have a choice in how you respond.
Change can be incredibly difficult- but not impossible. The more you set your self up for success, the greater your life will move from aspirational to lived experience. That’s what leads to a better you!
