Self Care - the power of the micro
One of the biggest misconceptions about self-care- and most infuriating, might I add- is that it sucks up enormous reservoirs of time, energy and cold, hard cash. It’s simply not true! Let’s shift our thinking away from self-care being a self-indulgent waste of time to an essential tool for wellbeing achieved in mere moments.
I saw a meme recently that had me simultaneously laughing and shuddering. It basically went along the lines of this:
Being an adult is thinking to yourself ‘If I can just get through this week then next week will be easier’ on repeat until you die.
While we no longer seem to wear ‘busy’ as a badge of honour, thank goodness, it seems that with all the advances in positive psychology and all the awareness of life/work balance, we’re no less frazzled or overwhelmed. Life is stressful, no doubt about it, and when you add the underlying, all-pervasive anxiety that comes with a pandemic, it’s no wonder that people struggle to feel on top of their game. Self-care, when perceived as self-indulgent, as a nice-to-have, falls to the bottom of the priority list. I can’t help but think, however, about how much of this march to burn out is largely self-inflicted. Instead of making self-care simple and sustainable, we equate it to a week in a health retreat, or a day at a medi-spa.
The people I work with as a leadership and life coach are, by and large, goal-driven, high achievers and peak performers. They’re go, go, go, until they’re not, not, not. They’re also people who tend to be highly invested in their own performance, they know if they don’t work, nothing works. They’re keen to avoid or smash their roadblocks and focus on the strategies that work to enhance their performance, not damage it. Imagine their delight when I tell them they don’t need slabs of time to shift into peak-mode. Rather, it’s when they carve out many moments of calm over the course of their day that they’ll see the most benefit.
Dr Adam Fraser wrote a fabulous book called The Third Space. In it, he makes mention of those moments of transition across the course of any given day to be moments of connection- to ourselves and to others. One of my clients has, in her words, the world’s best assistant who introduced the concept of buffer time to her schedule. This means that instead of rushing from meeting to meeting, she has 15 minutes on either side of unscheduled time. This can be used for preparation for the upcoming meeting, but it also allows time to regroup and refocus. Another client sits in his car for fifteen minutes every morning after his gym session and before he goes home to get ready for the day- he calls this his ‘do and think nothing’ time as he’s semi-averse to the word ‘meditation.’ As his coach, I don’t mind what he calls it; I’m just happy he’s taking that time and utilising it for his self-care.
That said, it’s not just moments that need to be carved, eked out. There are so many unplanned and unscheduled moments throughout our day that we can transform into white space for meditation and mindfulness. When you’re waiting to pick up offspring, or for an appointment or when a meeting is unexpectedly cancelled- grab those moments with both hands. Put away your phone- scrolling on Instagram is not self-care, despite what the influencers would like us to believe. While you’re waiting for the kettle to boil stand beside it (rather than multitasking by emptying the dishwasher, for example) and breathe. Slow and deep, just breathe until it turns itself off. Then, when you are having that hot tea or coffee, sit, and watch the steam unfurl and dissipate.
Look, self-care isn’t rocket science. It’s providing ourselves with the small things that meet our needs across Maslow’s Hierarchy- everything from staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, eating good food, using your brain purposefully and intentionally.
Resting your brain isn’t just 8 hours of sleep between 1000 count sheets (although, I’m in!)- it’s breaks from the screen, it’s connection to ourselves and to the ones we love, it’s a cuddle with the dog. Every thirty minutes or so give your eyes a break from the screen and look out a window towards the middle distance.
Staying hydrated is as simple as having a decent amount of water every hour- that said, I encourage my clients not to keep drink bottles or jugs of water on their desk- rather every hour get up, walk to the kitchen, pour a glass of water and drink it there, then refill it and take it back to your desk. Incidental movement and hydration. Boom and boom!
If you’re working from home or if you have access to either a meeting room or an office, lie on the floor with your legs resting vertically up the wall for a couple of minutes- hence the need for privacy! It’s a fabulous way to reconnect with yourself and feel grounded.
Embrace the power of three- three deep breaths, that is. You don’t have to meditate cross-legged on the floor for an hour to get the benefit of good oxygenation. Just three deep breaths. Easy!
You don’t need big chunks of time for self-care- it’s mere moments over the course of the day that will help you shift into peak performance. Want to know more? Reach out for a chat about how we can work together.
