Understanding the role and power of emotions
Humans are inherently emotional beings. We have complex brain structures that chemically respond to the situations that arise. However, the responses are a perception that may not necessarily reflect the truth or accuracy of a situation. While the fight or flight response saved our ancestors’ lives when facing a sabre-toothed tiger, this response is rarely appropriate in the day to day of doing the school run, going to work and just basically living our lives. When it comes to living a life we love, the role of emotions- or more specifically, how we manage our emotions- is key.
Sometimes, the concept of emotions seems quite convoluted, due in part, no doubt to the complexity of the system behind emotions. To put it simply, extremely simply, consider the metaphor of the wise owl and the guard dog. This is used quite extensively in the early years education sector because it’s a clear, evocative way to explain the brain anatomy and function in relation to emotions.
The wise owl represents our prefrontal cortex. This is where reasoning and rationality lives. It enables us to have high self-awareness and self-management as well as relatively clear awareness of other people’s emotions, attitudes and behaviours and respond accordingly.
The guard dog represents our amygdala. This is pure fight or flight territory, the highly emotional, stressed and primitive brain that’s responding only to what’s right in front of us. It’s based on perception and response without deep thought or critical analysis.
Here’s the thing- both the wise owl and the guard dog are here to help. No emotion is inherently wrong or bad. They’re there for a reason- they are a response to something. It’s perfectly OK to be emotional, despite how being emotional has been weaponised against women in particular for centuries. To live a full life, a life we love, to reach our potential, to feel fulfilled and optimistic and energised by life’s possibilities, we need to be open to experiencing the full gamut of our emotions. It’s like a million versions of the same country and western song- you can’t experience great love without great loss.
That said, we aren’t slaves to our emotions! We have control, and my work is focused on helping people develop the attitude and approach (and thus resulting/subsequent behaviours) that enable appropriate and non-damaging manifestations and actions of an emotion. You see, our attitudes inform our thoughts, and our thoughts dictate our behaviours. When people respond and manage their emotions in a way that’s appropriate and safe (physically and psychologically speaking) they cement their ability to live their life in a way that’s aligned to their values.
Such is my belief in the power and the impact of emotions in how we show up every day, I’ve written about this concept here. In this post I share ten steps to being master to emotions rather than slave. Fancy a quick spoiler/cheat sheet of the steps?
Awareness
Stress reduction
Move
Trigger identification
Ego in check
Mindfulness
Sleep
Thought redirection
Pause
Solution-focus
Emotional intelligence is more than a buzz word- it’s a concept that can help leaders shift to peak performance. In fact, I coach people in the corporate space to make the most effective use of one of our most powerful tools- our emotions- to amplify and improve their professional lives. However, what these clients find is that the benefits of strong emotional awareness and intelligence flows way beyond their professional life. It enhances their personal life too. This is exactly why exploring the impact and manifestation of emotions is also a central focus of my life coaching work- emotional intelligence has the means to improve our lives on every level. Don’t you just love it when a corporate superpower is accessible to the non-corporate among us?
Being emotionally intelligent, having an understanding of how our emotions impact our daily lives puts us in a position to be in control of our attitudes, feelings and behaviour. Emotionally intelligent people are able to think their way through an emotion rather than be managed by their emotions. This allows them to respond in a way that’s appropriate. Would you like a specific example, direct from yours truly? Brace yourself:
We all have times when we feel tired, over it and that everything that crosses our path is just plain annoying- yes, even life and leadership coaches sometimes get the grumps! However, my high level of self-awareness, cultivated over many years and supported by daily practice, means I’m aware of the emotions I’m experiencing, and experience has told me that when I’m feeling like this, one way of responding is to be horrible to those around me, ie my family. Another healthier way of responding? Put myself to bed for an hour or so. No points for guessing which has the best response all round. This is a clear (if somewhat embarrassing) example of emotional intelligence at play- I’m aware of an emotion, I name it, I take (appropriate) action to manage it, knowing that how I react has an impact on the people around me as well as myself. After the emotion has passed, part of my practice is to go back and look at it with curiosity and non-judgement. Why did that emotion rise in me? Was it a reminder of a past event? Was it a compromise of my values? Is it an opportunity for growth? Short answers- perhaps, yeah maybe and always!
Understanding the impact of our emotions on our day to day life is a way to take control of how we show up. It allows us to deeply examine our attitudes and how they’re reflective of how we are living and make positive changes to live a life that’s more closely aligned to our values as well as our definitions of success. Being constantly on high alert- aka living like a guard dog is exhausting, unnecessary in the most part and often ultimately futile. It doesn’t allow for self-kindness and self-care or growth but leans to burn out and a sense of living a life that’s unfulfilling. Choosing to embrace the life of a wise owl, responding thoughtfully rather than reacting? This is quite literally life changing.
