What it is, and why it matters.

To have emotions is to be human. We have all experienced powerful waves of emotions – be it joy, sadness or anger. This is normal, however, when poor actions or negative thoughts wreak havoc on our lives, this is a clear sign that your emotions are out of your control.

What you may not be aware of, is that your emotions have a direct impact on:

The way you feel

about yourself and
those around you.

The way you think

particularly when it comes to
negative or positive thoughts.

The way you behave

ultimately affecting your
relationships.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the capacity to monitor emotions, discriminate amongst them and apply this knowledge to guide one’s thinking and actions.

The good news is that emotional intelligence can be developed by looking inward at your attitudes and feelings. With persistence, you can develop the ability to flip your mindset – ultimately putting you in the driver’s seat of your life.

Developing your Emotional Intelligence

I work with my clients to develop their intrapersonal (self) and interpersonal (social) EI on a behavioural, feeling and attitudal level. The ability to understand yourself and others are interrelated -for example, if an individual feels bad about themselves and are self-critical (low self-regard) then they are more likely to be critical of others (hold a low regard for others).

A great way to visualise how these levels work together is to see it as a four legged table. The four top boxes on the graphic - self management, relationship management, self awareness and awareness of others – are the legs of the table. The attitudinal level – self regard and regard for others – represents the ground. If your ground is balanced, then your table is balanced. And of course if your ground is bumpy or uneven, this balance is thrown.

The impact of Emotional Intelligence:
Be responsive, not reactive

EI puts you in control of how you show up in any given situation. This does not happen overnight, but with time and discipline, you will see life-changing impacts.

Have you ever felt so emotionally charged that it’s resulted in a sudden outburst, quickly followed by a wave of shame or regret? There’s a scientific term for this knee-jerk reaction - amygdala hijack – otherwise known as the fight-or-flight response.

People with a high level of EI know how to control the triggers which set off amygdala, and as a result, take their time to ‘think’ situations through in a calm and composed manner. This is a valuable skill to master, as it influences a greater ability to:

Connect and empathise with others

Practice resilience

Pause, step back and look at challenges objectively

Control nerves and anxiety

Have greater clarity and focus

Put together, this skill leads to a successful, more vibrant life.

Emotional intelligence and leadership

You may have heard of EI before – this isn’t surprising, as the term is growing in notoriety, particularly in business. The World Economic Forum has recognised the benefits of EI in business, and has identified EI skills as among the Top 10 skills needed for the future workforce.

You may have experienced a leader with low-EI or even recognise yourself as one. Common signals include an incapacity to regulate emotions (reactive behaviour), difficulty with forging relationships and insensitive behaviour. Leaders with low-EI will typically show a singular approach to leadership, failing to empathise with the needs of the people they manage.

EI is the foundation of influential leadership, it assists in effective communication, building rapport and motivating others. It’s invaluable for business, but most importantly – it’s an essential life skill.