Making you your number 1 priority: Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s essential
Last week I had a client that found herself constantly in tears. This wasn’t a new thing, this was something that had been happening on and off for years. It was never the big things that would start the tears, it was the everyday things: a rude comment from one of her kids that normally she would brush off, the fact that dirty clothes had been left on the floor again or that the sink was constantly full of dirty dishes. Even the simple task of asking for help could start the tears.
She just couldn’t understand why she couldn’t stop the waterworks.
During our time I told her that “it sounded like your cup is empty.”
Then I asked her: “What have you been doing to look after yourself lately?”
She told me that things at home had recently ramped up with her children now online learning from home (again) due to COVID. Each of them were having difficulties with either the coursework or the simple fact they couldn’t see their friends.
Between wearing many different ‘hats’ as a mum, teacher, school counsellor, entertainer and wife - she found there was little time to look after herself.
So, I pressed her further: “What do you enjoy doing for yourself?”
Amazingly, she said she honestly didn’t know anymore:
“I’ve lost the connection with who I am as a person.”
Sure, she was (and is) amazing at wearing all of those ‘hats’; but life is draining because she wasn’t replenishing her soul.
She wasn’t giving herself ‘permission’ to do what she wanted to do. In fact, she felt guilt any time she even thought about doing something for herself. Does this sound familiar to you?
She had fallen into the trap that so many parents do, she had given everything to her kids and in the process lost sense of who she was.
It’s so important to know that self-care isn’t selfish: it’s essential.
During our session, I explained to her that: “To be the best version of ourselves and to have the energy to care for our loved ones, we must fill our own cup first.”
Making you your number one priority will benefit your whole family. Your ‘cup’ will be overflowing with energy and love and allow you to be the best version of yourself.
It will also teach your children how to look after themselves properly and instil in them the principle that ‘self-care isn’t selfish’.
Oxygen masks
Remember when we could travel in aeroplanes (it wasn’t that long ago)? During the safety briefing before each flight, what do they tell you about using oxygen masks?
The advice is always to ‘Put your mask on first before helping others’
Why? Because what good are you to your family if you’re passed out on the floor?
What good are you to your family if you’re crying non-stop?
What good are you to your family if you’re getting into arguments with your children about their online learning every day?
What good are you to your family if you’re grumpy all the time because you’re so tired?
Who’s mask do you put on first, yours or your child’s?
How can you connect back in with yourself and what you love?
We closed the session by starting to think about what previously brought her joy that she no longer does. There might be things that you have stopped doing, too.
Here’s a list of ideas to help get you connected back to your true self:
Listen to music
This might be when you’re cooking dinner, or just around the house, put it on and enjoy. Sing out loud, dance in the lounge room, have some fun with it, just be sure to put some tunes on every day.
Make yourself a playlist of songs that make you feel good
This is NOT the time for sad romantic love songs! My personal favourites are Spotify’s ‘Songs to Sing To In Car’ playlist or the ‘Soft Pop’ playlist.Exercise
We know that exercise increases your happy hormone output, so get out there and walk, jog, cycle, dance or do some kind of activity that makes you feel good.
If you need to find a walking buddy (preferably someone who is uplifting, not a negative nelly) – do it! Oh and be sure to make sure you’re not breaking any COVID-19 rules, either.Read
I personally love escaping into young adult fiction or sci-fi because it takes me completely away from day to day life and into an imaginary world. I’d avoid reading heavy non-fiction or educational books just to ensure that you’re really using this time to replenish your soul.Take a bath
Light some candles, add some bath salts and essential oils and relax. Pair with a glass of red wine or a cup of tea and you’re all set.
My client was visibly relieved, and I now look forward to checking in with her during our next session to find out what she has connected back with herself.
